A Whiter Shade Of Pale Lab Coat

Who are those people in the photographs? I'm referring to the people who stood behind, and beside Barack Obama while he commanded our attention at the lectern as he recited his epic poem, "Health Care Dirge In D Minor." The white lab coats lulled me into a state of unseemly uneasieness, which combined with a trepidatious tingling, shooting back and forth through out my suddenly leaden appendages, reduced me to a weak kneed, and pleasantly nauseated, yet hormonally super charged condition, as runaway endorphins over took my brain, working magic through out my physical being.

I asked myself, "Is this what they mean by health care reform?" Odd, I don't remember the last time I felt this healthy. What was going on here? My God, when was the last time I was so excited about pending legislation. Was I a teen? In my 20's? 35? Strange indeed. I sloughed off this nag of a nod toward the unhealthy abyss of health care past. Only my current Statist induced euphoria mattered at this particular moment of time, space, and medical technology.

I stared at the photos for a good while, basking in my near comatose state of unexplainable, and undeniable Chrissy Matthews like ecstasy. Is this what it feels like when you take MSLSD? Thank you Timothy Leary and Keith Olbermann! I knew what I had to do. I HAD to have my own white lab coat so I could intensify, and SUSTAIN my health care reform induced utopia!! With my own white lab coat I could experience this mindless, awe inspiring orgy of physical, and mental delight ANYWHERE! Driving my vehicle, eating lunch at Denny's, sleeping with the wife, at the doctors office (oh, the wonderful irony!). The possibilities seemed limitless. Yes, I must admit, I intuitively understood my new found medical eroticism would be invincible if only I had my own white lab coat.

You, dear reader, will believe me to be clever as to the means I employed to grab my prize. Walking into a uniform store, I oh so calmly strode up to the check out line and said to the teen age barista, who was busily chewing gum, "I'm a doctor, and I need a white lab coat." She blew a bubble with her gum. When it popped she said, "You mean a white lab coat like those people in the picture with the President are wearing?" I could barely contain my composure as I gleefully gushed, "YES!" She then listlessly,proceeded to direct me to aisle number three.

I refused the cashiers offer of a bag. I politely told her, "No thank you," as I hurriedly slipped on my white lab coat.

I left the store cloaked in an aura of sensual immortality that could be understood only by a fictional, partially clad super hero, or perhaps by others like me, mere human beings who also wear white lab coats. Yet, no comic nor cartoon character am I. No, I started the day as an average American Joe. That is behind me now. A brave, and healthier new world has unfolded before me. And it's due to the incredible empowerment through my new found entitlement that my white lab coat has ingrained unto the fibers that when wove together are the cloth of my soul.

Finis